I didn't even know there was a mega earthquake until I start getting puzzling messages on MSN and sms asking if I am ok. They were telling me about a 7.8-scale earthquake which hits the Southern-West part of China which is about a 2-hour flight away from me. These are the folks from Singapore to Las Vegas and the irony was that I, despite the closest in proximity, was the ignorant one.

At around the time when the quake started, I was on the road along the highway which probably explained that even if there were tremours, I still wouldn't have noticed it.

I didn't know magnitude of this disaster until this morning when I watched the reports on the news. 10,000 probably dead by now and it was especially heart-wrenching to hear of schools buried under mudslides. All the poor children inside!!

I can tell you that the damage could have been less, had the building quality of all the constructions not been so shoddy. It is a known fact here that the building quality standards are poor as a result of cutting corners to make the extra buck. So here we have 10,000 dead and I think majority are victims of building collapse. So at the expense of making the extra buck, we lose thousands of lives. 

Such is the price of life in Spitland.

Fortunately, the 3-Gorges Dam was intact and unscathed despite the massive earthquake. I can't imagine the consequence of a broken dam. The amount of water released as a result of this broken dam (that caters to the world's largest hydroelectric power station) would easily triple the current death toll and possible displace as many as 20 million people from their homes.

If one were to look at the map, one would realise that the dam is still quite a distance from the quake epicenter and so one may ask where is the link? The answer is deeper (no pun intended) and you have to look further below for the answer (no pun intended again, dammit!). I think this was due to the fact that the dam is sitting on the same seismic fault as that of the quake.*

* subject to verification. 

So anyway, you see Premier Wen J1a Ba0 flying right away into the disaster area to oversee the rescue work. Man, you really got to love this guy with the heart of gold. In the past, we are so used to seeing Ch1nese leaders run the country with an iron fist. Cold and ruthless. Wen marks the dawn of a new era of a country now with a bigger, warmer and kinder heart.

President Hu J1n Ta0 has also decreed rescue efforts and quake relief as the nation's top priorities now. I cannot be helped by be impressed by the swift and efficient actions taken to dealing with disasters. The recent snow storm disaster, just before Ch1nese New Year, has earned my respect for the top Gahmen's effectiveness and now this further affirms my conviction.

So to those who still think Ch1na is some backwater country, I'd advise you to seriously think again.

Myanmar, now that's a different story. The bad weather at the time of the quake is probably the remnants of Typhoon Nargis as the cyclone was tailing off in the direction of quake area a week ago. Heavy rains were reported which probably contributed to the mudslides that buried anyone and anything in the way as well as seriously hampering swift rescue efforts where time is of critical essence. 

Myanmar death toll has exceeded 30,000 lives already and this number would have been significantly smaller had the country taken precaution. It was reported that India's meteorological services have issued warnings to Myanmar, days before the typhoon hit Myanmar. The Gahmen despite warnings, failed to take any effective evacuation measures, resulting in the loss of more innocent lives.

Ok, so they screwed it up the first time, you would have thought that perhaps the Gahmen would have woken up their bladdy ideas by now? No...... now foreign rescue and relief workers are wrangling with the Gahmen to get a visa to enter the country. 

What were they thinking? These folks are here to help and the Gahmen are pulling all the stops to make entry difficult? Stupid!

Anyway, thanks to all who have thought of me. Very kind of you. Thank you.

p.s. Fellow barfly tssd is in ChengDu at the time of the quake. He showed up on the CowBoyBar hours later to say that he is ok.

Image Credits: http://news.xinhuanet.com

- Voxeros

I was walking with CowBoyCaleb yesterday evening heading to the new Shabu Shabu place for dinner...

CowBoyCaleb: Eh. Today's is Mother's Day leh.

JayWalk: Is it? I didn't know that. Damn.

*Half a minute of silence as we walked without another word between us.*

JayWalk: The guy who invented this Mother's Day thing better not be the same guy who invented the Push Up Bra.

CowBoyCaleb: Why?

JayWalk: Coz I am already going to kick the Push Up Bra inventor's ass when I see him. 

CowBoyCaleb: .... 

Image Credit: http://cowboycaleb.liquidblade.com 

- Voxeros 

International Herald Tribune (29 Apr 2008) - Singapore Succeeds At Managing Everything - Except Dating

Got this news link from MamaPanda who was urging me to blog about it coz she was sure with my "sense of humor and comment will make this a brillant piece!"

Walau..... Eh MamaPanda, Hokkien got this saying, "Sing gar por lang buay sai orh lor eh. Tan tao tuar tuar liao hor, buey behlearn, giah lor eh puat tor eh leh!*" 

* Singaporeans cannot be praised. Wait head big big, cannot balance. Walk road will fall down one.

Ok lor... people see me so up, I do lor.

So I click the link only to realised that it was a topic that I've covered before (Link: Lessons In Love ).

Apparently, the stoopid kotek scholar who suggested this, actually succeeded in getting this idea pushed through and had since conducted the first lesson at Singapore Polytechnic.

Like that means at the end of the semester got exams one or not ah? I wonder what the syllabus would be.....

• Theory Exam (40%) - Sample Question: "Discuss the merits and pitfalls of 'Ai Kia Stay-dee, Mai?' as a pick up line in contrast with '小姐，要不要做朋友?'". (25 marks)
  
  
• Practical Exam (40%) - Sample Question: "Demonstrate the following positions: a) Sitting Lotus, b) Reverse Cowgirl, c) Pile Driver. Deduct 5 marks if condom is used. Add 30 marks if condom used is expired and leaky.
  
  
• Project (20%) - Submit a personal youtube clip of staircase sex. Add 5 marks for each headcount above 2.

And since this is Singapore, how can we not have a campaign!!!??

So without further ado, I present to you.....

 
(Click Here For the *cough*MoreChorLor*cough cough* Version)

Then hor, I was thinking hor, nowsaday you see people standing around in public places with a placard that says "Free Hug" right?

How about.....

(Same Thing. Click Here For The More Chor Lor Version)

....?

The way I see it hor, if the Gahmen supports this hor, then the private sector must also be called upon to answer the call, right??!

Consperm (no pun intended) Singapore population sure shoot (no pun intended again) to the sky one!

No bruff you! 

- Voxeros

Ok, so I wasn't really drunk when I twittered that but I sure was buzzed.

I was at a friend's housewarming gathering and this cute little thing caught everybody's attention.

It's a 5-Litre Heineken keg. It's a toy and it's got alcohol! 

Anyway, trying to get beer out of it was tricky as we spent a good number of minutes trying to figure out how to install the nozzle. And when we eventually got it in, we spent another good number of minutes trying to figure out how to pour a beer that is not 90% foam and 10% beer.

I guess practice make perfect and by the time we finally gotten the knack of getting a pour of 60% beer and 40% foam (very good liao lah!), the keg was empty already.

Next, we fished out regular can beers from the carton and continue to drink at what I may say was a very accelerated rate. It also didn't help that I keep losing in the dice game. Stupid game. >.<

Man, was I really bloated with all the beer bubbles inside me that if I were to burp, I'd swear the beer would come out as well. 

- Voxeros 

Was at the gym yesterday and was doing my warm-up stretching prior to getting onto the treadmill when this chap trotted into the gym. After the usual cordial greets to the instructors, he proceeded to the inclined bench where he did a couple of stretches.

I didn't pay much attention to him but it was a while before I realised he was sitting there motionless. Then it dawned on me.

The bugger's asleep???!!!  WTF????!!!!

Who the f*ck comes to the gym to sleep one? Want to sleep go home and sleep lor. Come gym for f*ck??!!

Walau, I cannot take it as I walked back to my locker to get my handphone. This is soooo going onto the internet. Dumbass! 

It wasn't until 20 minutes later, when I was already pounding the treadmill, before he stepped up alongside to the treadmill beside me.

Weirdo leh!!!

Welcome to Spitland.

- Voxeros

(Click To Enlarge)

I have had the luck of getting my hands on one of these babies albeit just for a short while as it was on transit to some rich fella in Taiwan.

Now, we are all familiar with Chivas Regal blended Scotch whisky. Royal Salute was created to commemorate the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II back in 1953 and the regular version (a step up from regular Chivas Regal 12 and 18 years respectively) is a 21 year or older whisky.

2003 was the 50th anniversary of that coronation and although it wasn't the same whisky that they have kept for 50 years, the blended whisky nevertheless all came from Chivas Brothers' best stock of 40 years and older.

I was there when they launched the bottle in Spitland, originally priced at USD 10,000.00, it was offered at a promotional rate of USD 8,888.00 back then. There were only 255 bottles in the world, of which Bottle #1 was presented to Sir Edmund Hillary whom himself conquered Mount Everest just days before the coronation 50 years ago. Spitland was allocated quite a few bottles apparently due to the crazy noveau rich who would buy just about anything and everything expensive.

So, 5 years later, I am holding a bottle in my very own hands. The front label is made of 24k Gold and Silver even which, is probably still a fraction of what the total cost. If I drop it, I will have to sell backside for the rest of my life.

Last I heard, the value of the bottle has appreciated to NTD 500,000.00 which converts to about USD 16,400.00 now.

So how does it taste? I have no idea for this is beyond my lifetime. Too rich (no pun intended) for my blood. I did steal 6 of the commemorative rock glasses during the launch and that is probably as near to this bottle of whisky as my giam chai mia allows. :(

p.s. I wonder if anyone would ever open it to drink, given that it cost a bloody bomb and there is a very limited supply of it. If the answer is no, then for all you know, it is only Ribena inside and no one would ever be the wiser. 

(Click Individual Image To Enlarge)

- Voxeros

The Telegraph (21 Apr 2008) - Prince William Lands Helicopter At Kate Middleton's House

Was reading this in the papers where Prince William landed a bladdy helicopter in his girlfriend's backyard to haolian.

Fwah!

Other guys just showed up in their Porsches, Ferraris or even Bentleys and Prince William? No.......  it was a friggin' Chinook!

Not one of those small small choppers that you see Donald Trump flying around New York in but lagi better. It's a twin propeller Chinook!

Win liao lor!!

Yah lah.... people complain that it was a waste of taxpayers' money to pull such a stunt for personal purposes but you have to admit, this guy do things really got style.

Personally, I'd rather prefer royalty with a dash of flair (within limits, of course) rather that one of those boring John Major types like his dad Prince Charles.

Image Credit: http://www.express.co.uk; http://img.dailymail.co.uk

- Voxeros

It was CowBoyCaleb's last night before he heads back home for the rest of the week when he called me up to go out for drinks.

We decided that we should go to H0llyw00d Baby since

1. Gecko was closed that day coz Robert (owner/neighbour) was celebrating his son's 8th birthday (Happy Birthday, kiddo!)
   
   
2. H0llyw00d Baby is within walking distance and
   
   
3. There isn't a 3rd option.

Now, H0llyw00d Baby is one of those drinking places where you have bar counters for barflies like us to chill with our drinks, a pool table, a dart board and a foosball table to basically let you unwind at the end of the day. And an added difference is that the place have many young, pretty and nubile waitresses (H0llyw00d Babies) ala Hooter Girls in their tight tanktops, mingling and chatting with the customers except that they are more like Mosquito Bite Girls  then Hooter Girls.

It's probably the perfect place for the lonely expat since the friendly babies love to talk to you. It's an interesting place where AngMohs try to speak Mandar1n to get into the Babies' good books and us two Ch1nese trying to speak English to prevent the Babies eavesdropping on our talking cock session.

Well, that lasted for like what? 15 minutes? That before one of the Babies climbed up the bar counter and nestled herself comfortably on the service counter just below the bar counter top, with cups of dice and started to chat with us. I think she likes CowBoyCaleb (You dawg!)

So out of basic courtesy for the lady, we had no choice but switch to speaking Mandar1n, thereby ending our talking cock session prematurely.  Don't get me wrong, it is not that we loathed speaking to her or that she cannot stop yakking but it's just that sometimes the two of us prefer to just sit back and talk about our own stuff. Let's face it, when she was talking to us, she was trying to entertain us to make us feel comfortable. Likewise when we talked to her, we were also trying to entertain her as a way of reciprocating the hospitality. Only difference was that she gets paid for it and we don't.

I guess it was just one of those nights where we prefer to just sit back and chill on our own terms.

So there we were chatting with one of the Babies and playing dice, when another announced that the availability of the pool table. We grabbed at the chance since 

1. We needed to get off our butts and do a bit of exercise even though it only involves just walking around a pool table and
   
   
2. We can stop talking. Yay!

Ok, so we played a few rounds and chatting among ourselves around the pool table when this little petite Baby came over join us for a game. Her strokes were good but her aiming and placing damn jialat. In a nutshell, she sucked and her height, or rather the lack of, just made it worse. Still, you have to give her lotsa credit for her enthusiasm and passion for the game.

To interject a little, let me explain why we prefer to talk cock in English. The following conversation ensued while I was playing pool with the Petite Baby.

CowBoyCaleb: Eh... this one, her neh neh quite big ah!

JayWalk: Aiyah.. bruff one lah. All push-up bra one lah.

CowBoyCaleb: No. No... this one is real one!

JayWalk: Not possible lah. Here one by one all mosquito bite one lah. 

CowBoyCaleb: Really! Wanna bet or not?

JayWalk: Bet? Siao ah? How to find out?

CowBoyCaleb: Pretend walk into her lor!

JayWalk: But it will be your word that my bet will be based on wor.

CowBoyCaleb: Then you walk into her lor!

JayWalk: No use lah. I walk into her also cannot tell if real or push-up one lah.

CowBoyCaleb: Big ah!

So now you know.

Coming back. I passed my cue to CowBoyCaleb to have a go after she kena whitewashed by me and here comes the interesting part of the evening.

There was a wager where the loser had to go buy mangoes (there was a fruit hawker just outside the bar).

Next came the most facepalm game I've ever witnessed. You should see these two lovebirds ding dong ding dong all over the table as if the pool table manufacturer forgot to install pockets for the balls to fall into.

30 minutes later, and they are still struggling to finish ONE FRIGGIN' GAME!

I think maybe CowBoyCaleb purposely one so that he can keep oogling when she bended over to take her shot. I wonder why he always stand at opposite end of the table from her. *scratch head*

In the end, CowBoyCaleb gave up and bought the bananas.

p.s. I am so dead after this entry.

Image Credit: http://www.hollywood-baby.com

- Voxeros

CBS New (18 Apr 2008) - Malaysian Cop Allegedly Breaks Into Car, Falls Asleep.

This is all so wrong on so many counts!

First you have a cock thief who fell asleep in the car when he was stealing the car stereo system.

Then he is a cop.

And he was high on drugs. 

Walau. 

This one confirm champion liao.

A winnar is you!

Malaysia Boleh!

Ok ok.... perhaps it is unfair to pin point Malaysia for this type of stoopid thing but it is unfortunate that Malaysia just suay suay happen to be the country to have this stoopid cock incident.

Suddenly, Mas Selamat's escape doesn't sound like such a bad thing at the end of the day...

... or maybe not. 

Image Credit: http://limlaopeh.blogspot.com

- Voxeros

For those who been following my Twitter and/or read KosherJellyFish's recent entry, you must have caught the above recently.

This is a story of my timber supplier whom a few months ago, pulled into my factory's parking lot with a spanking new Nissan Cefiro 2.5L Royal Edition. A car even more staydee than his own boss' who was driving a relatively more modest Spitland-made car. He even bragged that his boss had to borrowed his car to ferry some local officials when the latter were coming to visit recently.

Forward to last week where we met up for lunch and he was lamenting about selling his car. We are surprised when he dropped the bombshell coz selling a car barely a year-old is definitely looking at a loss of 30% or more of the orignal sum paid for.

He explained that he has been struggling to keep up with the upkeep of the car. The breaking point came at a time where he was stuck at the petrol station only to realised that he has no money for gas.

If I have taught KosherJellyFish the word "facepalm", here's another phrase to learn.

"Sudden Gush Of Shit To The Brain"
 

Now before, we start laughing at other people's misfortune, I suggest taking a look around us. How many of us are/were ever caught in the same situation?

I have seen friends driving fancy smancy cars when I couldn't figure for the life of me how he/she was able to afford a car of that price tag based on his/her salary? I have seen many folks take up maximum term car loans just so that the monthly installment is barely reachable. Makes me wonder why the need to struggle so hard? Can they just get a less expensive car?

I am not against buy expensive cars but please, buy within your range of affordability.

I used to drive a Beemer 320i back in the late 90s, where I took out a 7-year car loan of SGD 1,300 monthly payment. That seemed a bit excessive but if one takes into account my renumeration package that included a $400 car allowance, a $500 petrol allowance and unlimited parking allowance. The $1,300 price tag doesn't look too daunting, right?

Well, yes and no. I left that job a year later and gave up the car allowance and other goodies that came with it. That was when I felt the full impact of the car loan where I had no choice but to immediately downsize to a Toyota Corolla 1.6L and slash my month installment to half. But only after taking a $30,000 loss for disposing of the car prematurely.

Expensive gush of shit to my brain back then. *facepalm*

Image Credit: KosherJellyFish

- Voxeros